This cry came up a lot during my teenage years and I’m sure many adolescent can relate to this plight any time misunderstandings come up with your parent or guardian. If your family setting was like mine, then you will feel me when I say you couldn’t just talk back at your mum or have the final word when sorting out issues with your dad. That was just how it was for me growing up as a teenager. Whether you have my kind of family setting or not, what is sure is that as you grow into your adolescence years you begin to develop a mind of your own, you begin to think more like an adult and less like a child, your perspective may start to conflict with what you have always believed as a child. These changes usually cause clashes between teens and their parents. Of a sudden you begin to question why Segun’s parent are more liberal to Segun as compared to yours, as he is free to watch TV till 2 am, while you have curfews and limited TV time rules from your parent. This so called ”harshness” of your parent makes you want to scream inside and even doubt if they were your parents in the first place. The worse part of it is that you feel very powerless to revenge, so you result to keep to yourself, sinking into one of your mood swings, or going wild in rage and outright rebellion, I call it teenage tantrums. This post is to help young people especially teenagers process things carefully and cautiously, when they have cause to get upset with their parents and guardians. Below are some facts to help you manage your teenage tantrums
- Your parent will not always think or process things like you, so stop hating them for it. You can’t force them to reason like you, your best option is to politely persuade them to see from your point of view. Good parenting of teens is the ability to come to a compromise with your teen over an issue. Teens do better when they feel understood and heard, even when your response will still be a big fat NO.
- Your parent are not perfect people, they make mistakes too so don’t be too quick to judge or criticize them. Parenting is very demanding, they have an obligation to raise you up well. Give them a chance to do it well.
- Your parent love you, never doubt it. They may have a funny way of showing it, they may not have even said this verbally to you, but remember they are doing the best they can with what they know and have. Don’t despise them.
- You need the boundaries, rules and curfews to keep you safe. Statistics has shown that teenagers who had some form of boundaries and rules by their parents while growing up, turned out to be more principled and disciplined adults than their counterparts who grew up without boundaries. Stop comparing them with other parents.
- Your friends can’t love you as much as your parent. At your stage, it is normal for you to flow better with your friends than your parent, but always know that when the chips are down and the show is over and your friends are nowhere to be found, your parent become your only hope for life. If you don’t believe me ask girls who have gotten themselves pregnant or boys who have gotten into one trouble or the other. They turn to their parents to come to their rescue. Cherish your family. Let me give you an advice I gave a teenager once, she had complained so much about her mom and thought of running away from home because she treated her so badly. I told her ”endure it dear”, you will not be in her house forever. However, I must add that some parents need help themselves, instead of training and raising their children in love, understanding and discipline etc, they wound, abuse and inflict emotional wounds, pains, injuries and trauma on their children .They destroy their self-esteem and provoke them to anger. How can a father sexually abuse his daughter, how can a mother encourage her daughter into prostitution, how can parents deprive their kids of affirmation, affection and love. Raising children is a tough job, the job becomes tougher when they become teenagers, parental approaches will need to change in order for you to reach them. A dysfunctional parent will raise a dysfunctional child who equally becomes a dysfunctional adult and the cycle continues unless they get help consciously. I encourage parents to pray for grace and wisdom from God, get materials to help you understand your unique child, expose yourself to resources that will enlighten and educate your mind on the new trend of things so as to help your teenager. For any teen facing some form of abuse be it sexually or physically from anyone, don’t stay quiet. Please feel free to call us, we have contacts to the right authorities who will help you and we equally have a team of trained counselors who will assist you get back emotionally and psychologically.
