This is one question I am asked a lot both as a medical doctor and a teens’ coach. What does it means to loose my virginity? Can boys loose their virginity too? Is there anything like secondary virginity ? I hope to address some of these questions and many more in this post. For every young girl or boy who have been sexually active either forcefully or by mutual consent, and seeks to regain back their virginity, there is hope for you. But first let’s understand somethings:

 

1. Virginity goes beyond whether or not your hymen is broken, it is the state of being chaste in your mind, body and spirit. Therefore, it means “so called Virgins” who engage in masturbation, pornography, oral sex etc. might be Virgins “technically” in their bodies because they have not had sex physically but their mind is definitely not one anymore. It has been eroded and buried in lust and just waiting for a flimsy chance to erupt. It’s just a matter of time. (It’s important that the above point is spelt out because I know young people who feel they can do anything sexual like caressing, smooching, heavy petting, oral sex etc as long as they don’t do the main thing (intercourse). This shouldn’t be your goal because your body is a temple, a palace – don’t treat it like a “common room” where just anybody has access to.

 

2. The greatest sexual organ is not your penis or your Vagina, but your MIND. The body follows where the mind (heart) goes, this is because the mind is the seat of your emotions, intellects, memories, imaginations, etc

 

3. The hymen is a membranous thin layer of skin that covers the vaginal opening. Sometimes blood is seen when the hymen is broken, but not in all cases

 

4. There are medical reasons why some hymen may break without sexual intercourse e.g excessive sports like cycling, horse riding, gymnastics, also the use of tampons, or during pelvic examination etc. A boy also loses his virginity when he has sex, however, don’t forget what I mentioned earlier that the purity of your mind is as important as your body. An 18 year old boy was allegedly accused for sexually molesting a 4 year old girl, he opened up to me after a session with him that he had been watching porn for several weeks. According to him, he was “turned on” seeing the nakedness of this little girl (her mom was obviously careless anyway) and he had this overwhelming pressure to experiment all he had eroded his mind watching, though this is NEVER an excuse to abuse a child or anyone but the lesson here is that-an eroded mind is a perverse mind capable of any criminal and destructive act. Premarital sex has dampening effect on boys too, no amount of masculine ego or conquest can eliminate the emotional, psychological, medical and spiritual consequences it has on men. So yes, you have lost your virginity, you can’t change what is past, even if you go for a hymenorrhaphy, your mind (sexual encounters) can’t be erased by surgery, but real restoration of your self-worth, dignity, privacy, innocence and purity start with a decision to keep yourself chaste henceforth. Make up your mind to save sex for marriage. As a man thinks in his heart so he is, the decision to abstain will be tested but you can overcome when you completely submit to God, and allow Him into your heart, and choose to obey His word. Remember when God sees you as a virgin (brand new person), men’s opinions are baseless… So allow Jesus today.

 

Avoiding everything that corrupts your mind and anything that will remind you or trigger the feeling of wanting to have sex… You need to censor your movies, musical videos, songs, discussions you engage in, places you go and the association or companies you hang out with. Take a day, and write yourself a letter of Chastity, Mark that day on your calendar or diary. Let it be a memorial for you, if you like call it “the day I got back my virginity” because you made the decision to abstain, remember it’s not about bragging being a virgin, it’s about what it stands for which is:

 

1. Your obedience to God.

 

2. Your self respect.

 

3. And a gift to your future spouse

 

Get along with people who have made a commitment of abstinence, make them your friends, stay away from romantic relationships until you are in the phase and life cycle for serious commitment and marriage. Be accountable to a trusted God fearing adult, you can’t win alone, sometimes when you are weak and vulnerable (we all do) you may need a pat and also a smack, I have many young people who I’m happy yet humble to say, made themselves accountable to me, you are free to join them. If you love to be prayed for, counselled and mentored, Contact us. We are here for you. Stay purified!