We are breeding a generation of angry people. The sad part is that parenting is now becoming a by-product of anger.  Lots of parent are stressed up busy and overwhelmed  with day to day life activities, which has left them emotionally exhausted.

I have met a lot of angry people, who grew up with so much resentment, that they have no idea of.
Anger is a learnt behaviour.
We teach our kids anger  when we correct them in anger.
The way some parents go about disciplining their kids would make you wonder who really needs an anger management class. Many have succeeded in laming their wards rather than train them due to out of place anger triggered punishments.

One can never graduate from school of parenting till you leave planet earth; your parenting roles will keep transforming.
It will be wise we pick better ways we can do this demanding lifetime job.

To provoke means to stimulate or cause a negative reaction. How do we provoke our children?

Parent provoke their children;

1. When they show tantrums while correcting:
Do we have to shake the whole house and even wake up neighbours because you are disciplining a child? Some parents have even broken their  legs while running after their child with the intent to flog.  Recently, a woman lost one of her eyes as the belt she was using to beat her son hit the eye.
Another woman pursued her son to the main road with whip (koboko), unfortunately the child was killed by moving vehicle as he was trying to escape from his mum .
Way out: Try to calm down, remember that it is not about how you feel; it is about your child. Therefore, do all you can to prevent your personal emotion from beclouding the discipline of your child, put things in better perspective before you start to discipline. Your choice of discipline has to purposeful and deliberate but not harmful.
When you correct a child fuming in anger, aggression, threat and violence you will only show that child how not to be in control of one’s emotion and give him or her licence to follow suit when upset with peers or others.  Besides, you may inflict unintentional injury on that child that may be irrevocable.

2. If the only time you talk to your child is when he or she errs:
If you do more criticisms than complements, then you are starting a raging volcano inside your child.
Don’t go and disturb God when you begin to reap the fruits of a stone cold adult (child) with no emotions. The words of parent become part of the inner voice of a child, do not allow your criticisms outweigh your complements of your child. Don’t be the reason your child has a low self-esteem from constant nagging.

3. Comparing your child with others:
Comparison provokes your kids and destroys them.
Parents who are prone to comparing their kids have self-esteem issues themselves and that is why they compare. They raise the standard higher, and steal the childhood of their kids because they are trying to protect and/or project an image. When it comes to relating with your kids be human, not a god or goddess of thunder.

 

 

4 . Overcorrection:
If some of our parents were God, then we would be having mass burial every second. Our God is a father and acts of parenting should be learnt from Him. If  He punishes us for every slightest sin, who will stand? Because of His patience with us, some of us are where we are today.
He knows how well to balance His rod and staff.
Majority of so called discipline is fear-based, we are afraid our children may lose their ways and just like goats, we beat them into submission. Do not think hey are calm because they respect you, NO SIR, they are only afraid of you. There is a more excellent way.
Let the crime fit the consequences.

5. Excessive use of rods:
There is a difference between an expected behaviour and a bad behaviour. As a wise and informed parent, you should know the difference.
Every age has some character features, understand it and know when your child is going over the board. For instance, a 2years old will behave differently from a 14year old. The latter will want his/her privacy; you cannot use the same syllabus.
It takes a lot of patience to be a parent, the easy way out in child discipline is to yell and beat and the difficult part is to sit down and talk to your child with the aim of understanding the behaviour/triggers.
Unfortunately, many parents opt for the easy way out and are quick to back it up with verse of the bible that says ‘’spare the rod and spoil the child”
If only they know that ‘the rod’ does not necessarily refer to physical beating alone, I will address this in subsequent write up.

6. When they don’t understand the reason for chastisement:
You don’t just yell or discipline a child without telling them the reason, every home should have rules it is governed by and every member of that home should be aware and stick to it.
Consequences of breaking house rules should also be agreed and communicated. From time to time, house rules can be reviewed to suit age, well communicated, and understood by members of that home. Be flexible but stern on upholding the rules.

 

In summary, at a parenting class I once attended, the guest lecturer asked, ‘’ if you were promised 1 million USD, with a condition of not beating your child, but the child must come out best behaved in character and morality after some years, what will you do? How will you re-strategize to make sure you win that price and get the job done as well?

Food for thought…